There are two books I find myself recommending to clients again and again when they want to build better habits, and they sit on my own shelf for good reason. The first is The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, and the second is Atomic Habits by James Clear. I come back to them because they do something I value as a therapist: they take a goal that often feels like a question of willpower and turn it into something practical, learnable, and kind.
Most of us have tried to change a habit by simply deciding to try harder. We promise ourselves we will exercise more, scroll less, sleep earlier, or finally start that practice we keep putting off. Then a few weeks pass, the resolve fades, and we are left feeling as though we have failed at something basic. What both of these books make clear is that this is not a failure of character. It is usually a problem of design. When we understand how routines actually form, the process to build better habits becomes far less about discipline and far more about setting ourselves up to succeed. At the Montreal Therapy Centre, I regularly help clients use these frameworks to build paths toward lasting change.
The Power of Habit: How to Build Better Habits Using the Loop
Duhigg’s central idea is that nearly every habit runs on a simple three-part loop. There is a cue, which is the trigger that tells your brain to begin. There is a routine, which is the behaviour itself. And there is a reward, which is the payoff your brain learns to crave. Over time this loop becomes automatic, which is why we can drive a familiar route or reach for our phone without any conscious decision at all.
The reason I find this framework so useful in my work is that it shifts the focus away from blame. If you want to change a habit, you do not start by judging yourself. You start by getting curious about the loop. What is the cue that sets the behaviour in motion? Duhigg points out that most cues fall into one of five categories: a location, a time of day, an emotional state, the presence of certain people, or the action that came just before. Naming the cue is often the first real moment of insight, because it reveals the moment where change becomes possible.
A few of Duhigg’s core ideas come up often in my sessions:
- Start with a micro-habit: When you are building a new routine, make the first version so small that beginning feels almost effortless. Two minutes of movement is a real habit. Thirty minutes is a goal you can grow into once the loop is established.
- Look for keystone habits: Some habits quietly reshape everything around them. Regular exercise, or even something as ordinary as making your bed, can set off a chain of better choices in areas that seem unrelated, from how we eat to how we manage stress.
- Believe change is possible: Duhigg notes that belief is far easier to sustain when we are part of a community. We hold on to change more reliably when we are surrounded by people who are reaching for something similar.
Atomic Habits: Small Changes, Repeated, Become Identity
If Duhigg helps us understand the machinery of a habit, James Clear gives us a clear toolkit for working with it. His framework, the Four Laws of Behaviour Change, offers a practical lever for every part of the loop. To build a good habit, Clear suggests we make it obvious, make it attractive, make it easy, and make it satisfying. Each law comes with strategies that are simple enough to start today:
- Make it obvious: Design your environment so the cue is impossible to miss. If you want to read more, leave the book on your pillow. A useful tool here is the implementation intention: “I will do [behaviour] at [time] in [place].” Specificity removes the guesswork.
- Make it attractive: Pair something you need to do with something you enjoy. This is often called temptation bundling, like saving a favourite podcast for the time you spend doing the dishes.
- Make it easy: Shrink any new habit down to a version that takes two minutes or less. Instead of “read thirty pages,” commit to “read one page.” The point is to make showing up an automatic baseline.
- Make it satisfying: Our brains repeat what feels rewarding in the moment. So give yourself an immediate sense of completion, such as tracking your progress visually.
Two of Clear’s concepts deserve a closer look because they alter how we relate to the entire process. The first is habit stacking, which means anchoring a new habit to one you already do without thinking (e.g., “After I pour my morning coffee, I will sit quietly for two minutes”). The second is that lasting habits grow out of identity rather than outcomes. Clear invites us to focus on the kind of person we want to become. Rather than “I want to lose weight,” we might hold the steadier thought, “I am someone who takes care of my body.” Every small action then becomes a vote for that identity.
The Principle to Keep: Never Miss Twice
If I had to choose one principle to leave clients with as they work to build better habits, it would be this one from Clear: never miss twice. Missing a day is part of being human. It is not the lapse that undoes our progress. It is the story we tell ourselves about the lapse, and the way one missed day can quietly become two, then a week.
When you slip, you do not need to start over, and you certainly do not need to give yourself a hard time. You simply get back to it the next day. This is where habit science and good mental health meet, because the skill underneath it is self-compassion. The people who sustain change are rarely the harshest with themselves. They are the ones who can stumble, forgive the stumble, and keep going.
Putting it Together
You do not need to overhaul your life to feel the benefit of these ideas. Choose one habit that matters to you. Notice its loop. Make the cue obvious and the first step small. Attach it to something you already do. Reward yourself in some quiet way for following through. And when you miss, which you will, return to it without judgement.
These two books have shaped how I think about change, both in the therapy room and in my own life. The deeper message in both is one I find reassuring: meaningful change does not depend on being more disciplined than everyone else. It depends on understanding how habits work and treating yourself with patience while you build them. If you would like support in making a change that has felt out of reach, this is exactly the kind of work we do together. Sometimes the most powerful first step is simply having someone alongside you as you begin.
This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. If you are seeking professional mental health strategies or psychotherapy tailored to your personal goals, please reach out to a qualified professional.
Some insights in this article draw on the published works “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg and “Atomic Habits” by James Clear.
Marital and Family Therapist / Psychotherapist | Montreal Therapy Centre