Review
Every so often a book earns a permanent place on my recommendation list, and Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine is one of those. It’s an oldie but a goodie—first published in the early 1990s—and I’ve recommended it to clients many times over the years. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation, a family visit, or a work meeting feeling drained, uneasy, or somehow “off” without quite knowing why, this book offers a clear and compassionate explanation.
Anne Katherine, a psychotherapist with decades of clinical experience, writes about boundaries in a way that is refreshingly accessible. She defines a boundary simply as the line that marks where you end and another person begins—not just physically, but emotionally and within our relationships. From there, she helps readers recognize what healthy boundaries look like, how to notice when their own are being crossed, and what they can do to protect themselves with care rather than conflict.
Who is this book good for? I find it especially helpful for people who tend to over-give, who feel responsible for everyone else’s feelings, or who struggle to say no without guilt. It also speaks gently to those healing from difficult family dynamics, unhealthy relationships, or past experiences where their limits weren’t respected. For clients just beginning to explore why certain relationships leave them feeling depleted, it can be a real “aha” resource.
What I most appreciate is how practical and readable it is. Katherine brings her ideas to life through real-life stories and simple examples, so the concepts never feel abstract or clinical. A few takeaways I return to often: first, that boundaries aren’t walls that shut people out—healthy ones actually make closeness safer and relationships stronger. Second, that our sense of self and our boundaries grow together; as we learn to honour our limits, we develop a clearer, steadier sense of who we are. And third, that recognizing a boundary violation is the first step—once we can name what happened, we can begin to respond differently.
The book also offers gentle, concrete guidance on how to set boundaries in everyday situations, which is often exactly what clients are looking for when they say, “I know I need boundaries, but I don’t know how.”
While no book can replace the tailored support of therapy, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin is a wonderful place to start. It’s approachable, validating, and full of insight that can spark meaningful reflection.