Review
Welcoming a baby is one of life’s most joyful transitions—and often one of its most disorienting. Many new parents are surprised by how much strain a little one can place on even the strongest relationship. Sleepless nights, shifting roles, and the sheer demands of caregiving can leave partners feeling more like exhausted teammates than romantic companions. And Baby Makes Three by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman offers a warm, research-based roadmap for couples navigating this tender and demanding season.
This book is especially helpful for expectant parents preparing for their first child, as well as couples who already have a baby and find themselves feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or caught in more frequent conflict. It’s a reassuring read for anyone who loves their partner but worries that parenthood has quietly pushed the relationship to the bottom of the priority list.
I regularly recommend Gottman resources to my clients, and this one is no exception. Their work is consistently well researched, accessible, and straightforward—easy to read even during the foggy early months of parenthood. Grounded in decades of “Love Lab” research, the Gottmans move beyond reassurance and into concrete, six-step guidance for keeping intimacy and friendship alive. Most of my clients tell me these resources offer genuinely practical strategies they can use in real life, not just ideas that sound good on paper. What I especially love are the thoughtfully designed homework exercises, which give couples a way to keep working on their relationship outside of the therapy room.
A few key takeaways stand out. First, the Gottmans emphasize protecting friendship and intimacy—staying curious about each other and turning toward one another in small moments, even when time and energy feel scarce. Second, they offer tools for managing conflict constructively, so that the added stress of a newborn doesn’t harden into resentment. Third, the book pays real attention to emotional wellbeing, including practical ways couples can support each other and reduce the risk of postpartum depression—a topic that too often goes unspoken.
For couples considering therapy, And Baby Makes Three can be a wonderful starting point or companion. It normalizes the struggles of new parenthood, offers a shared language for talking about what’s hard, and provides exercises that spark meaningful conversations. Reading it together can help partners feel like a team again, working toward the same goal: a loving, stable home for their growing family.
While no book can replace the tailored support of therapy, this one offers an encouraging and practical place to begin. It reminds new parents that tending to their relationship isn’t a luxury—it’s one of the best gifts they can give their baby.
A quick personal note: I often draw on Gottman-style exercises with the couples I work with, and I’ve seen firsthand how even small, consistent efforts can help partners feel reconnected during this big life change.